Completed Mass Effect 3? Pissed-off with that ropey conclusion to all your efforts? Then join the rapidly expanding membership of a club that grows almost daily: for all you disgruntled Mass Effect fans, here are five alternate endings that may (or may not) have made the ending a more satisfactory experience.
1. The Scooby-Doo Ending
It wasn’t really the Reapers whodunnit, it was the Batarians. Only if we whip away that mask… it’s the Illusive Man! But wait! Pull that wig off and… gasp! It’s Mordin! But underneath that prosthetic forehead it’s actually Mr. O’Connor, the sweet shop owner in the Citadel! And he would have got away with it too, if it wasn’t for Shepard and those meddling kids.
Femshep and [insert sapphic love interest here] fly into another system only to be tracked down by Reapers. Surrounded and with the way back to the Mass Relay cut off to them, their only way out of this situation is to give themselves up or to fly into a black hole. Femshep knowingly glances at [insert sapphic love interest here] and then revvs the Normandy’s engines…
3. The Lord Of The Rings Ending
Well, you wanted a more conclusive finish to Mass Effect 3, and this is undoubtedly it: the LOTR ME3 ending will tie up every loose end for every character you ever encountered in one big, happy bundle. From Shepard throwing the Prothean device into the black hole and being rescued by the Normandy from the brink of the event horizon, right down to Diana Allers, whose shattered ego never recovered fully from Shepard’s rejection. These days you can find her chained to a pole in the Dark Star Lounge.
4. The Fight Club Ending Who’d have thought, Shepard was making the Illusive Man up all the time. The clue, you see, was in his name – pretty obvious really. Shepard gets on with the important business of blowing his own face off with his Scorpion, which is certain to cure multiple personality syndrome, while the Reapers consume the galaxy.
5. The Mass Effect 2 Ending When in doubt, which Bioware clearly was when it created the conclusion to the Mass Effect series, you can always rely on an enormous, evil-looking boss to distract gamers from the fact that the only way to tie up all the loose ends in any satisfactory way would take another five years.